Alyce Chan Loves Richard Simmons, and We Love Alyce Chan

(episode 7)

GIANA: It’s The Broadly Entertaining Podcast for all you Femme Broads, Them Broads, and Dude Broads out there.

JAMIE: We've got fun, games, and feminism coming at you. Thanks for letting us entertain you. Let's party!

[brief musical interlude of ukulele and a shaker, with a whistled coda]

GIANA: Hello, friends! I am Giana and I should probably pay a little more attention to the news.

JAMIE: I am Jamie and, this may be controversial, but I think people should have access to clean water.

[ukulele chord]

GIANA: We have so much on our plate today, so many fabulous things to talk about, including the wonderfully kind and funny Alyce Chan joining us, so can we just dive right into this?

JAMIE: Let's dive!

GIANA: Huzzah! Gold Star response for you.

JAMIE: Thanks, I love a Gold Star.

GIANA: I know you do. You’ve got gold star written all over you.

[small laughs]

GIANA (cont’d): Okay, so diving in and keeping that energy up, we're going to kick it off by sharing a recent purchase or a find or perhaps an experience that we are really excited about. And I know that you, Jamie, are very eager to share yours so why don't you go first?

JAMIE: Yes! Thank you. I am very eager. I don't know if I have been able to hide the fact that I am standing on a mini trampoline! I recently got a mini trampoline and these are the handles of like, an exercise bike elliptical combo? And I got them both for under $26 combined.

GIANA: Whaaat?!

JAMIE: Because somebody that I briefly worked with at a bar that I no longer work — with whole different story — but she told me about this website called EstateSales.net, which is a really cool secondhand shopping option where you can help clear out the homes of loved ones that have shuffled off their mortal coil, but left a lot of stuff behind, because we all leave a lot of stuff behind. So I got a mini trampoline and an exercise bike for $26!

GIANA: I… That's amazing. That's amazing that you're able to get… [Jamie laughs]

GIANA (cont’d): I'm like, I'm still in awe that you were able to get both of those things for under $26 when one of those things should be at least double that.

JAMIE: It is! I was looking at mini trampolines new and the cost is at least double that. And, I forgot to mention, not only did I purchase these things for such a deal I was able to move them from point A to point B by myself in my little car with no help. And you know how much I don't like to ask for help [laughing].

GIANA: That's true! You're also, you know— manual labor is hard in the sweaty months, and picking up and carrying things, so good for you buddy, you did it. And you got a great deal, I can't wait to visit that because secondhand is the only way to go. Come on.

JAMIE: Yeah, hell yeah!

GIANA: We have enough clothes, we have enough things in the world. We don't need new shit all the time.

JAMIE: Mm hmm. GIANA: Yeah.

JAMIE: Preach!

GIANA: [laughing] Amen.

JAMIE: So what are you excited about?! A purchase, a find, an experience, a plan…

GIANA: Well, mine is a little more on the nose for The Broadly Entertaining Podcast, and that is a certain week in October where we are celebrating a lot of really cool things, first of which, it's Broadly Entertaining’s five-year anniversary coming up, so we're gonna have a party up here in the Catskills. We have a Women Mean Business event coming up here in the Catskills, and most importantly, Jamie is coming to visit home to New York State that week to celebrate her 40th birthday party! [ukulele and tambourine have been building up slowly in the background, punctuating each notable celebration. Culminates here and fades into the sound of a crowd cheering, and then fades out]

So that week is going to be really jam-packed with a lot of fun and love and laughter and—

Look at this basic white bitch talking about live laughing and loving. [Jamie laughs]

But I'm excited to see you and I'm excited to celebrate you and I'm excited to celebrate our company!

JAMIE: Me too! All of those things! I've got my flight booked, I just have to rent a car. I am so excited to spend some nights on the lake in your cabin. I know it's gonna be getting into the chilly time of year, but that's okay. We're gonna have campfires and maybe make some s'mores, and this has been so fun to plan!

GIANA: Yes. I like planning parties when it is our parties. We plan a lot of other people’s parties, which is really great, but I'll be honest with you guys, I've been in a little bit of a creative drought and this has been a fun way to sort of pull me out of it a little bit.

JAMIE: Yeah, we do love planning for other people, but it helps to be able to have our own things to kind of keep those juices bubbling and keep the new ideas coming in.

GIANA: That's right. We're not as scared to try out new stuff on our own business with our own brand—

JAMIE: [laughs] Right!

GIANA: —as opposed to like, your party! You know, we like to take our risks on ourselves.

JAMIE: Yeah! Amen.

Amazing, yes! I love that. So good to shout out things that we're excited and happy about and, you know, we're not big live laugh lovers but sometimes you gotta live laugh and love, you know?

GIANA: Yeah we do, sometimes you do.

Speaking of looking forward to stuff, we have a superb guest waiting in the wings that I am really eager to bring on because this has been a couple of months in the making, and I'm just really excited for this.

JAMIE: Yes! Yes I am super excited that this is happening, we've got so much more to dive into.

GIANA: Oh! Dive callback. There it is.

JAMIE: Yeah you know, working on my improv skills so that I can stay sharp and keep up with Alyce Chan, one of our absolutely favorite stand-up comedians. Did you know, Giana, that her Instagram account, MomComNYC, was featured by Vogue as one of the top six funniest accounts on parenting?

GIANA: That is a hard core cred! Oh my god, and it does not surprise me a single bit. Among her very impressive credits, she has performed with the New York Comedy Festival, she's a regular contributor to Scary Mommy (which if you haven't checked out you should), and produces shows on top of that! And as producers we can tell you, that's a lot of fucking work to do. [they laugh]

JAMIE: Yes, absolutely, Alyce is a comedy phenom, for sure. Our friends in the New York area can see her live — I'm so jealous — can see her live at Don't Tell Mama on October 19, and on November 3 as part of the 11th Annual Laughter and Lullabies Gala benefiting the Precious Dreams Foundation at The Glasshouse in Chelsea.

GIANA: But our friends everywhere — everywhere! — can meet her right now. Let's welcome Alyce Chan to The Broadly Entertaining Podcast!

ALYCE: Oh, is that my cue?

GIANA: That’s your c— [is laughing]

ALYCE: I was like, wow this is a really long introduction and thank you for listing all these amazing credits!

GIANA: Are you kidding? How could we not list your amazing credits? You're an amazing person with a lot of amazing things going on!

JAMIE: Yeah, we'll shout you out anytime we can.

GIANA: Absolutely

ALYCE: Oh, girls… Thanks for having me!

JAMIE: We are so happy to have you. You know Broadly Entertaining is a fan; is an Alyce Chan fan.

GIANA: Yeah it's true. We have been lucky enough to have you perform at a couple of our events in the past, so we know you as a comic and through what you share on your social media, but we kind of want to dig in a little deeper and get to know you a little bit more.

ALYCE: Ooh! Okay, ask me anything you want.

GIANA: Oh, alright! Well first up, you have all this amazing mommy content and all of it is funny. I know that you are really good at connecting with parents and making them laugh, but I'm kind of curious about your upbringing a little bit. And maybe I was inspired to ask you this question off of a somewhat recent post that you did, but what are the pieces of your childhood that you are making sure get passed down to your boys, and on the other side of that, the things of your childhood that you would like to keep in your childhood perhaps and not bring in to your kids?

ALYCE: I love that question so much and I hope my kids listen to this podcast.

GIANA: Me too.

ALYCE: I had to go through a phase of being bullied a lot and then a period of where people judged me by how I looked. Like people called me ugly, skinny, scrawny, they called me too dark 'cause I tanned really easily…

GIANA: Or tanned really beautifully.

ALYCE: Thank you. And so, it was a really rough patch for me. I felt like, hey obviously I can't rely on my looks, so I had to work on my personality which meant like… Okay what do I do now?

I remember as a 10-year-old my teacher called me a mute and I didn't know what that was (English was my second language) and I thought it was a good thing, and then looked it up. It was someone who didn't speak. I was shocked, and she said, ‘Yes, because you're a mute and you don't speak, you're gonna be in a separate class from your friends.’ I had two friends, two really good friends, and going to the next fall I was separated from them and I was in a new class with a whole bunch of new kids.

I said, okay quick I have to do something about it. So I found this book called How To Be Funny: A Guide to Making Friends. A to Z, it's an A to Z guide on how to make friends! [Jamie laughs]

I'm like, this is so convenient! So I bought it. It was one of those school orders so it came to the classroom, my teacher had it, and I ran, grabbed it, went home and I read from A, that first page. A, it says, Acne. Do you have acne? 'Cause if you do you better get rid of them, no one likes pimples. [an audible gasp from a host]

Yeah! This was written in 1979 ish ‘80s… not to age myself. So then I'm like, Okay, I don't have acne. Page B, C, D, E— I forgot what BCDE stood for.

GIANA: Good, ‘cause it was probably garbage. / JAMIE: Because A was so traumatizing!

[Everyone laughs]

ALYCE: I was probably crying, ripping the pages out and trying to dry my tears and then it got to F, and it goes, Are you funny because people love to laugh and if you're funny you can make friends. I'm like, Oh my gosh I have to be funny! So I told my aunt this and my aunt, she was a teenager, she goes I have a perfect book for you. She gave me this book called 101 Dirty Jokes. She said, you better rehearse it, and so I memorized like maybe 5-6 jokes that one night and the next day I asked the class before recess started, Hey, who wants to hear dirty jokes? I got some dirty jokes here. And all the boys were like, we do. So the girls went and got their time at recess and the boys all sat down on the carpet. I was on the table, I put myself on a pedestal and I start telling these jokes. They were all laughing. I'm like, Hey this feels really good.

And then the teacher figured out that I was using her classroom as a comedy club so she shut that down. Then I was like, now what do I do, and I started doing impersonations. I would find ridiculous characters, like Richard Simmons was one of my favorites because he was doing aerobic videos.

GIANA: Big fan of Richard Simmons.

JAMIE: Sweatin’ to the Oldies.

ALYCE: Oh my god! “Come on guys!” Like, so good.

GIANA: Oh my god, I loved him. I really did. He also inspired me in some ways. [laughs]

ALYCE: Like, why would you not want to sweat with him, right? [Jamie laughs]

So I started doing impersonations and I think that's what fed me. I felt validated through the laughter and I kept doing it. Even though I was a really shy, awkward kid. But that's what I found, I found that humor was kind of like where I could hide behind? And I hid behind it and I was still very insecure.

I would like to tell my— I would like to leave all the bullying bullshit out from my kids, and I know I can't protect them from that but I would love for them to be confident to be weird, like unapologetically weird, and be okay with that. I remember when, as a kid, people would call me weird and I would be hurt by that word. People still call me that! I had a 10-year-old call me that. I was doing a comedy show on Zoom for 4th graders and this guy’s like, Why are you so weird? I was like, Alyce! It took me back to my 10-year-old Alyce.

GIANA: Trigger! Trigger! Oh my god…

ALYCE: Okay, make this funny. This is a bunch of fourth graders, don't call anyone an asshole.

Then I was like, Thank you for calling me weird. That means I'm so special and I'm not just like any normal person. And so, then I asked, I took a poll, I said, Who else likes to be called weird? who has been called weird? And all these kids were raising their hands up. I was like, you know what, I'm gonna change that perception of weird. I think it’s awesome, unique and special, so I've been telling my kids that weird is good and so now my kids are like, Am I weird? I'm like, not as weird as me and they'll be like, ooh…

JAMIE: I love that. I’m like, crying over here. [laughs]

GIANA: I mean, that— I… I'm also a little bit lost for words because I think that both— Obviously we have very different experiences on how we grew up and I am so sorry for that piece of shit teacher and I'm so sorry for piece of shit kids being pieces of shit.

ALYCE: Yeah.

GIANA: I'm in a way thankful for all those pieces of shit because you have a gift that was clearly given to you during this time. Maybe you were hiding behind humor but perhaps it was more of a shield than something that you were hiding behind. It was like a weapon and a shield that you were able to use you know to combat these pieces of shit. [laughs]

ALYCE: I just got goosebumps. I felt like I was a knight fighting—

GIANA: Yeah!

ALYCE: —rather than hiding behind that.

GIANA: Yeah. Yeah absolutely, that's how that's how it sounds to me as a person just hearing this story for the first time. I love that that's what you want for your kids, too. The weirdness is great and I love that you want that for your kids. You have two boys, right?

ALYCE: I have two boys and they love me being weird. But the older one is a little more conservative, similar to my husband. My husband is very, like, always really well presented and well-spoken and doesn't like to look too silly. And [my oldest son’s] like, You're weirder than daddy, yeah sometimes you embarrass me but daddy never embarrasses me. And I won't stop!

GIANA: You gotta have a balance, my friend. You gotta have a balance.

JAMIE: You’ve got to be embarrassed by at least one of your parents.

ALYCE: If not both—

[simultaneous speech - incoherent]

GIANA: Dad will get his turn, don't worry. He'll get his turn, he'll be embarrassing to them. I'm sure of it.

Are your kids— do you see them sort of leaning into their weirdness and maybe taking it to showbiz like you did and following in your way, or do you— is any of that even seen yet with them?

ALYCE: I don't think they're gonna be doing showbiz. I'm a total late bloomer, I didn't think I was gonna be in— I don't even really consider this showbiz 'cause I'm really just doing comedy, but I feel like it’s all therapeutic. I love just performing but it's the connection to the audience that I really crave. When I don't perform live I get restless. I don't know if they have a performing bug in them, maybe we'll see. If they do I would just embrace it and help them do it. I do encourage that but I feel like they're a little shy right now. Maybe later in life, maybe they'll find their voice hopefully.

GIANA: Yeah. And we all take our paths to it, you know? Like, I grew up knowing I was gonna— I was very hammy and my dad was in theater and so we knew that I was gonna be in the biz in some sort of way. And Jamie you were involved in theater stuff and creative work really young, too.

JAMIE: Mm hmm. Yeah I was very ambitious when I was about five and then it sort of just, went downhill as I got older. [they laugh]

ALYCE: That's very early to start knowing what you want to do, right? At 5 but just not being shy and…

JAMIE: Yeah, well, Giana and I are both the youngest of three children and I think that probably fed to a certain degree both of our, like, look at me look at me.

GIANA: Yep

ALYCE: Yes.

GIANA: So watch out for that youngest. [they laugh]

ALYCE: I have a sister who's just like you guys. ‘Look at me, look at me’, and very successful, very daring, very brave… Yeah, likes to take risks.

GIANA: A knight, as well. It runs in the family, I see.

Well, so you took your path here. We kind of knew at least a little bit and had parents that could see it in us and knew as well, but we took our own paths to get where we are today, and I think, and I apologize if I'm wrong, but you came from a marketing professional standpoint, right? Before you got into showbiz or did it happen at the same time?

ALYCE: I'm not gonna include my experience as a 10-year-old doing impersonations and saying dirty jokes…

GIANA: It counts.

JAMIE: Yeah it counts!

ALYCE: My parents always wanted me to be, you know, in business. Traditional parents, they wanted me to be a doctor, lawyer, or their son.

[Laughter]

JAMIE: That one took me a second.

GIANA: Oh my god. [laughs]

ALYCE: So I tried hard to impress them but I just didn’t want to be a guy or a doctor or lawyer. I tried to do business, that's what they wanted. Okay then if you can't do medical then go into business school. So I majored in economics, I worked at a bank.

ALYCE: Hated it. / GIANA: I did, too.

ALYCE: Oh, did you?!

GIANA: I also hated it.

[Jamie laughs]

ALYCE: So boring, and i hated how i had to dress, and I just didn't fit in. So i left that, went to design school. Did like, web design/branding/marketing 'cause I had this artistic side that I wanted to explore and I thought I'd be a graphic designer for life. I dabbled in that and then got into marketing for a range of companies, and thank goodness because I'm using all that now to kind of like support what I do, instead of paying people to do that for me.

GIANA: That is a big thing amongst creatives, and I know a lot of our performer friends— Now that we've had our hand at producing shows, like, asking for a bio from one performer is like pulling teeth. And I've been that performer, I've been that performer! I know how it feels to be like, Ah fuck I gotta write a bio, and it's the smallest thing. It's a paragraph, and it's a list; it's a paragraph list and it's still really hard for people in the creative field to market themselves. And so as a professional and as somebody that has had to advocate for yourself in this way this entire time and has had — lucky you, you have the knowledge to like back yourself up, that’s amazing — do you have any tips or anything for our creatives out there that maybe don't know how to do this at all?

ALYCE: I think social media is free. It's great for your advertising needs. Promote it there. Try to get a following by connecting with people. Don't buy followers, you'll be found out and it's just not good for you at all. Yeah, get on social media and just crank out— you know, Instagram is changing its ways, you don't have to be aesthetically pleasing, you don't have to spend hard-earned dollars on the best photos. Take it with your iPhone, have your friend do it. Put something relatable that's educational or inspiring or entertaining — those are the three things you want to put up on Instagram or Facebook. Facebook’s for old people, I try not to really go there anymore.

GIANA: We're out.

ALYCE: It's really just like, keeping in touch with whoever else is, like, living right now.

GIANA: Yeah.

ALYCE: Yeah just put it out there. Use it. Social media is out there. I mean, everyone’s just looking at their phone all day so they might as well look at your page and what you're there to offer, right?

GIANA: Absolutely. Yeah the social media thing — Jamie and I were immediately like we have no money to put behind this at all. We didn't have starting capital, that's not how we started our business. So social media was immediately like, it's free and we just have to bite the fucking bullet and do the posts and try to figure it out. And that's like the hardest part is like, looking at a blank page or a blank post and just being like, What do I have to say? And finding the confidence in ourselves to be like, Hey what you have to say means something. And if it doesn't mean something to somebody, well then fine it doesn't, but you'll reach someone, you’re never alone, you know?

ALYCE: And if you don't put it out there you won't know, and then that person who is thinking the same thing will never see your post and they'll feel alone.

My whole thing about my journey in parenting is I know a lot of mothers feel isolated because, you know, there's a different life. A lot of my friends dropped me because they're like, Well we have nothing common anymore, or, You're too busy. Early stages of parenthood you're always looking at your baby, your toddler, and you're not talking to anyone, you feel lonely. It's just a way to kind of connect with mothers, women who feel lonely and they feel like they're struggling because they have to be the perfect mother or the perfect parent. Like 90% of my reels are all about me struggling day to day, so, hopefully that resonates with people.

JAMIE: Yeah, I remember when we first met you, were first introduced to you by another fantastic comedian, Vicky, you were running a— like a comedy show for moms that they could bring their babies to in Brooklyn, which is— it was great! It was like an outlet for you, a place to meet people, a place for mothers to be able to get out and find community and not feel so alone in that way.

ALYCE: Yeah. That was at a little book store called Word in Greenpoint, and it ran for two years. Dads, moms, caregivers were there. It was called BYOB: Bring Your Own Baby, and it was just so cute. I just wanted to provide a supportive safe space for new parents and it was an amazing experience.

JAMIE: Yeah. Thanks for doing that. Not that I'm a parent, but on behalf of parents and people who care, thanks!

GIANA: We've got parents we love that will let us speak on their behalf: thank you.

[Everyone laughs]

JAMIE: Yeah! I am going to just change gears right here and we are going to dive in to game time! You know we love a good game, so we have made one just for you, Alyce. We made a game just for you. You make smart, funny, insightful, relatable content for Scary Mommy, and you make it seem easy! We know it's not, you put so much work in, but you make this content for Scary Mommy, so I have put together a short quiz about actually scary mommies from recent history and fiction. Are you ready to play?

ALYCE: I love your games, you girls…

JAMIE: It's gonna be great! I feel like that was a mixed response but let me tell you—

ALYCE: …I’m nervous at the same time but you guys are so professional, and I don't want to lose.

JAMIE: Well you're not competing against anyone because there is no win or loss, it is all just for fun. And, Giana has not seen any of these questions. She doesn't know the content, either, so if you want to team up, if you want to talk it out, she's got your back. I am the quiz— quiztrix?

GIANA: The quiztrix, I like that one! Yeah, that one’s good. [laughing]

JAMIE: Alright, here we go, here we go. Number one in your short quiz about scary mommies… Who was notoriously found not guilty of murdering her two year old Caylee in 2008 in Florida? A verdict that led to several states passing laws that made it a felony for a parent or legal guardian to fail to report a missing child.

GIANA: I think I know but I'm gonna let you take a stab.

ALYCE: Okay, I think I kinda know but I don't, so…

JAMIE: Talk it out!

ALYCE: Okay, let's talk it out. Giana, I think it starts with a ‘T’. Am I wrong?

GIANA: Oh shit, I think it starts with a J. Last name starting with a B, perhaps.

ALYCE: Okay, I think you should go first.

GIANA: A little blonde girl? Did you say a year, Jamie?

JAMIE: No.

I did. 2008 in Florida. You're thinking of the ‘90s in Colorado.

ALYCE: Jon Benet…

GIANA: Yes, I was thinking about JonBenet, yes I was. I don't know if I know this answer.

JAMIE: The two-year-old Caylee (so I said the child’s name) in 2008 in Florida. It was big news. A young mother, part of the story was that people were like, She was more interested in partying and being a young person than having a baby, and the kid was last seen in mid-June and not reported missing until mid-July…

GIANA: I don't remember this at all.

JAMIE: There is a T in the last name, is the closest that you've gotten as far as letters that you've mentioned.

ALYCE: I'm gonna go with — Giana do you know this person’s name?

GIANA: No.

ALYCE: Okay, I'm gonna go with Mary Elizabeth Bennett.

JAMIE: [big laugh] Beautiful literary reference, but we were looking for Casey Anthony. Do you remember? Casey Anthony.

GIANA: No. I missed this entirely which means I'm probably— I should maybe do my— do more newsing.

JAMIE: I mean, there's a lot of news. You can't remember all the news, can't know all the news.

ALYCE: I didn't read in 2008.

GIANA: Oh yeah, I forgot to read for the whole year of 2008.

ALYCE: Sorry.

JAMIE: Alright, number two we're gonna jump over to fiction. Number two… What literary title character’s scarily religious mother was played on film by Piper Laurie in 1976 and by Julianne Moore in the 2013 remake? What literary title character — so that's what we're looking for — scarily religious mother played on film in 1976 and again in 2013.

ALYCE: I feel like, Giana, you know this one.

GIANA: Oh. I love your feelings, and I'm not one to ever tell someone their feelings are wrong, but in this instance… [laughs]

Literary character, title character, and overly religious mom I don't know…

JAMIE: “They’re all gonna laugh at you, they’re all gonna laugh at you!”

GIANA: I know that quote. …Carrie?

JAMIE: Yeah!

GIANA: Carrie, that’s right. I kind of forgot about her mom being super religious; that’s like a really big part of the plot.

ALYCE: I just remember Carrie, I didn’t even remember her mom.

GIANA: Nope. I totally forgot about that religious bit. Yup. Alright!

JAMIE: Yeah! Alright, number three. This one is a multiple choice, and I actually just learned about this while I was researching this round, so number three… Stephanie LaFountain of Alaska was charged with two counts of infanticide in 2017, in part due to which of the following searches and results being found in her web history: A) best ways to suffocate; B) 16 steps to kill someone and not get caught; C) how to commit the perfect murder

ALYCE: I don't think it's C

GIANA: Yeah, I don't think it's C.

ALYCE: You have to be pretty dumb to Google that.

GIANA: I feel like it's dumb to Google any of these things, especially—

ALYCE: Perfact ways to suffocate? I don't think that's— I mean people can be like, I have a sexual fantasy I'm not gonna murder anyone.

JAMIE: [laughs] I like that train of thought.

GIANA: I like— Yup.

What was A? I forgot what A was.

JAMIE: A was best ways to suffocate, B was 16 steps to kill someone and not get caught (what a listicle, huh?) and then C was how to commit the perfect murder.

ALYCE: And we only get to pick one?

JAMIE: Would you like to pick more than one? Is your gut telling you…

ALYCE: I’m going with A, and I want to see what Giana is gonna go with.

GIANA: I… I don't— you know what, you go with A and half of my heart is with you, and I am gonna just say C just in case this person is that… is that person.

ALYCE: C is better than B, though. B is just like, you're just really dumb. 16 ways? Like just one way.

GIANA: One way.

ALYCE: Yeah, why 16?

GIANA: Just one essay, please. One short paragraph.

JAMIE: Sure, well, the truth is that somebody did write the 16 steps article, because all three of those were correct.

GIANA: Ooh! We had such a good instinct!

JAMIE: Plus a few more equally incriminating search results, so not only is this woman a baby murderer, but she was dumb. Just dumb. She didn't clear her web history.

GIANA: Well I mean you know, what years was this, when was this?

JAMIE: 2017—

GIANA: Oh shit, alright.

JAMIE: —is when she was charged, and it was a 2017 and a 2015 incident.

GIANA: Oh my god, still, 2015. Internet’s been around for a while, you should know…

[laughter]

JAMIE: Alright, moving on to the final question, the final question in our scary mommies quiz… Kathleen Turner stars in what John Waters movie that IMDb summarizes as, She's the perfect all-American parent: a great cook and homemaker, a devoted recycler, and a woman who’ll literally kill to keep her children happy.

A John Waters movie starring Kathleen Turner as a murderous happy homemaker.

ALYCE: She murdered her husband, right?

JAMIE: Maybe… I haven't seen the movie in a while. She murders people on behalf of her children who are played by Matthew Lillard and Ricki Lake.

GIANA: Oh, my god. I love Ricki Lake in a movie. I really do.

You know this?

ALYCE: I don't know this.

GIANA: I don't know this. I don't know this.

ALYCE: And you call yourself a Ricki Lake fan?

GIANA: I know. I just like, I feel like I've even seen the movie which is like the fucked up part. Like, what she's saying I’m like, Kind of sounds like I've seen it, but I'm gonna be real with all of you, I'm a stoner. I've watched every movie that I've ever seen probably as a stoner, and not all the details stick.

ALYCE: I want to watch this movie now, 'cause I love Kathleen Turner.

JAMIE: And John Waters! / GIANA: But fuck Ricki Lake.

GIANA: Okay tell us, what is it?

JAMIE: Serial Mom. Serial Mom? Have you heard of it?

GIANA: No, I've never seen Serial Mom.

JAMIE: It’s a good campy mid-‘90s John Waters murder romp.

ALYCE: I'm gonna watch it.

GIANA: If I'm watching a murderous mom it is Drop Dead Gorgeous. Like, every time. Do you know that movie, Alyce?

ALYCE: No. I need to put that on my list.

GIANA: You can't stream it! It's a cult classic that they won't put on any streaming, so you literally have to buy the DVD. And I will tell you right now if you buy it you won't regret it. It's the best movie ever made.

ALYCE: You selling the DVDs?

GIANA: No dude, actually I am down. I usually have two copies at all times but both of them have been destroyed.

Anyway, well that was a treat. Thank you, Jamie, for putting that together and thank you, Alyce, for having a little fun with us. You know we appreciate you playing.

ALYCE: Yeah, I know so much. I feel so dumb!

JAMIE: Those were not intelligence test questions by any stretch of the imagination.

GIANA: Nope. The fact that murderous mothers aren’t taking up space in my brain is perfectly okay with me. I am okay not knowing the information that we just learned. That’s fine.

JAMIE: Alyce, will you stick around for our BE a Feminist segment?

ALYCE: I would love to.

JAMIE: Up next, a word from our sponsor. Broadly Entertaining 5th anniversary discount offer.

***

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***

GIANA: Now that we've promoted ourselves, it's time to promote other women in what may be the most consistent thing that we've got going on right now, our BE a Feminist shout outs!

[BE a Feminist theme, whistling accompanied by a shaker and a tambourine]

JAMIE: That's the theme music.

GIANA: I will be kicking it off this month with Lizzo's new record, oh my god! If you have not listened to Lizzo's new record, you must. Maybe pause this podcast for a second and go listen to that record. If not the whole record just Everybody’s Gay because that is my favorite track on the record right now. It has been an amazing journey to get to this record; I don't know if there are big Lizzo fans listening right now but I am one, and the record was much anticipated! She eked things out, we all heard the, it's about damn time / In a minute I'ma need a sentimental— we all were listening to that on the socials for very many months and trying to learn the dance and do the whole thing. She also released this one track that was just her talking to her fans being like, Hey this is taking us a while, I have 100-plus songs that I am sifting through that I've written trying to find the exact perfect ones just for you, and it was a lovely message that she gave to all of us waiting for her record to come out and I just love her and her vibe and the way she does things.

I also want to give a shout out to the fact that she won the Video for Good Award. The Video for Good award at the VMAs is given annually to musicians who “push us to be better to ourselves and nicer to each other”, and if you are a fan of hers you know that she is very much deserving of that award. She wanted to, in her acceptance speech, she talked about the importance of voting and she said, “Remember when you're voting for your favorite artists, vote to change some of those laws that are oppressing us.” Agreed, and love you Lizzo, and fuck your haters. I know that you feel the same way. She is a queen and she's dealing with all that hate in a great way. She just doesn't say anything because she knows she's winning.

JAMIE: Yes! Amazing. Alyce, what do you want to tell us for our BE a Feminist segment?

ALYCE: Oh, I want to say that I am a little more in tune with being a feminist, once I became a parent to one boy, and now I have two boys, I want to make sure what I'm doing, what they're seeing, what I'm exposing them to, they will hopefully not grow to be assholes. I want to make sure that also like, the gender norms you know? I see moms with girls, Oh we're gonna go pick out a dress and we're gonna get our nails done. I'm like, well why can't I do that? So I’ve asked my boys, Do you want to wear a dress? And they flat out said, No.

Okay, then who wants to get nails done with me? And both of them wanted to! So I took them to the salon — well I took the youngest one to the salon first 'cause I can only handle one kid at a time. The little one wanted gold and silver sparkly nails and he loved the experience, and then the older one who is 8 got little jealous and he's like, Well I want I want my nails done and my friend Liam, he's a boy, he also had his done and they were green so I want mine done, too. And I love that and I just want to be careful with who he talks to, like in terms of our family and relatives 'cause, you know, my mom is old-fashioned, she's that type of person would be like, Why are you coloring his nails? My only hope is the next generation — they’re gonna have to fix our fuckups — but will be kinder people, I hope. You know? And I just want that for the kids, I just want them to be kind and treat everybody with equal dignity and respect.

JAMIE: Yeah, raise little feminists. Love that. So I am going to shout now, my BE a Feminist for this month is the Mississippi Reproductive Freedom Fund, which is an abortion fund — you know I can't shout out abortion funds enough — but also as you probably know there has been a water crisis in Jackson, Mississippi. The week that we're recording I believe that running water came back to the city but I don't know if it's potable, so Mississippi Reproductive Freedom Fund is taking the donations that they're getting at the moment and in addition to continuing to support reproductive access for those being shut out of that, they are providing clean water — drinking water, water to brush your teeth, water to shower, water to… I don't know, do you have a bidet? Maybe that's a little too fancy but we need clean water. These are important things and you know it's just another example of an abortion fund being in a community and providing for people that are not being provided for by the systemic infrastructure that we are currently living under. So Mississippi Reproductive Freedom Fund. If you can only give ‘em a dollar that dollar is going to get a couple bottles of water. If you can give ‘em five, great. Can you give ‘em 50? 400? If you have it to spare that is a way that you can make a difference in our world right now.

GIANA: Yes! Thank you for always being a great resource. If anything, Broadly Entertaining likes to be a resource for folks that don't know how to fucking help and that's a way, so thank you for doing the research and the head work that it takes to be that resource for people. Alyce, thank you so much for joining us and for giving us your feminist perspective, as well as your mommy perspective, as well as just a nice little extra glimpse into your childhood and who you are and letting us get to know you in this very personal way that's very public at the same time.

ALYCE: Thank you so much, girls. I love Broadly Entertaining. You guys are always so fun and so informative and you're always doing something good, so thank you for having me. It was probably the most fun podcast I've been on.

JAMIE: Aww thanks!

ALYCE: Cry, damnit, cry!

GIANA: [laughing] That was the sweetest thing, thank you. That means a lot to us. Thank you so much, Alyce.

ALYCE: I love you both.

GIANA: Love you back! We'll see you very soon, we appreciate you taking the time to do this, and hopefully we'll see you in the face soon.

ALYCE: Hopefully. Thank you!

GIANA: Thank you. Bye, Alyce!

ALYCE: Bye!

[gentle ukulele underscore]

GIANA: Thanks again to Alyce Chan for joining us and to all of you for listening. Check the show notes for links and a transcript of this episode, or more information on Broadly Entertaining events and offerings mentioned in today's show.

JAMIE: The Broadly Entertaining Podcast is written and produced by Giana DeGeiso and Jamie Rosler of Broadly Entertaining.

GIANA: I compose and perform all the theme music and segue songs, plus I manage sound mixing and audio editing.

JAMIE: I put together the episode outline, transcript, and video version for YouTube (when applicable).

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JAMIE: And if you really like what we do, Venmo a tip to Broadly [dash] Entertaining, or click the Support button at anchor.fm/BroadlyEntertaining, and of course you can always hire us to host or plan your next celebration.

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JAMIE: Thanks for joining us, Broads! We'll talk to you again soon. Bye!